Ding Ding!!!!!

Sometimes don't you just want to toss in the old white towel and surrender.

It has been one of those weeks around this house. I feel like I'm gonna wake up one morning and walk out the front door with my hands above my head screaming "I give up....don't shoot" I feel like crap, to put it mildly, no actually, I feel worse than crap. I am tired all the time, can't sleep, I'm awake at 4:15ish every morning. (No wonder I'm tired.) Dw is on edge...he's writing a big exam n a couple of weeks...but according to him...I'm the one who needs counseling. Nice...really really nice. How do you say that to someone and not expect a fight? Seriously?

I may not be the easiest person to life with but by no means am I the Devil incarnate. not sure what we were arguing over...nothing big...oh oh...I remember...I didn't want a certain dishes put in the dish washer and he laughed at me... I told him to stop...the proceeded to get mad because I was insistent that I wanted the dish washed by hand. I know STUPID. Remember he's on edge...... So I went to my room. He cam up and wanted to know what was wrong....and then suggested that maybe I need to see a counselor or something, because I tend to put on a fake happy face sometimes. Are you getting this? This whole fight is over me not wanting a dish put in the dishwasher, which some how leads to me almost being committed.

I leave the room to DW and his thoughts.....he's a man there isn't many sometimes. I return a half hour later and he begins to explain that maybe if I have to pretend to be happy that maybe "we" need to see someone. Stop right there and back up the truck.....At this point I think he's having a mid-life crisis and He needs to see somebody. Long and short of it, he realises he's grumpy and that I am tired and that maybe sometimes you have to fake it so that you don't have to do this silly little dance. I had to explain that just because I faked I was happy during an argument or something doesn't mean I am unhappy....'cause let me tell you....he'd be the first one I would inform. Now it's all good. Men....they really can be that simple.

Z-Man is another story all together. I now know why animals eat their young. I love my children, but right now Z-Man is not one of my favorite people to be around. Needless to say he has acted inappropriately, very inappropriately and has subsequently lost his cell phone and all computer privileges, not to mention isn't aloud out of my sight for too friggin long. I wonder what did I do to fault him, for him to have such poor judgement and insight with almost no remorse for his actions. Am I that bad of a person? It breaks my heart to be so tough on him but i have no other choice. I feel I have failed as a parent.

At work, we are about to have some layoffs. I am safe but because I am a union steward I have to be there when the bad news is delivered, and then help them decide if they are going to accept it or "bump". It affects so many people. I feel for these people, how can it not bother me.

Some-days I just want to throw in the towel......